About Jonathon Howard

doesn’t mix well with polite company; his two favorite topics being politics and religion. When he isn’t out cycling, swimming, running, or camping he can often be found behind his computer working on some creative project or in his garden trying to coax out a few more vegetables. Mr. Howard misspent his youth reading genre-fiction; today, he is making up for it by consuming and reviewing large quantities of non-fiction literature. The fact that truth, in every way, is more fascinating than fiction still tickles him. His ramblings can be found at falselogic.net; his own work at fictivefunk.wordpress.com. He works for the state of California as a legislative consultant. The job is even more glamorous than it sounds…

Skydived

2014-08-31 15.06.39So, I can cross that off the bucket list. Guess I should start drafting a bucket list…

I’d thought about skydiving a number of times and even made tentative plans a time or two before but never followed through. At the beginning of this summer though a good friend of mine decided that he wanted to skydive for his birthday and invited all his friends and a lot of his family to join him. I said yes, along with three other people and on Saturday we did it.

It was a tandem jump from 13,000 feet and I’ll I can say is that it really is nothing like I expected and nothing I’ve ever done could have prepared me for standing there at the edge of a door in the sky and leaping out of a plane. Scariest moment in my entire life. BUT, once you’re out of the plane and falling. It’s really kind of calm. There’s no noise, and if the air wasn’t pushing at arms and hand it’s almost as if you’re not moving either.

Then the guy whose stomach you’re strapped to pulls the chord and you spring up, he unbuckles you from him and it’s like your’e sitting in a chair slowly drifting towards the ground.

It was amazing.

Would I ever do it again? Sure, if I could get a bunch of friends to come out and do it with me. If I could cut the waiting around time down to something reasonable (we had to wait for 3 hours before even putting our rigs on). I’d do it again. Maybe from 18,000 feet?

 

Let’s Play the Secret of Monkey Island, Part 9

Waving Swords around like Feather Dusters

Here are a random sampling of insults and retorts from the grinding I had to do to get all the insults/retorts, of which there are 16 by the way:

(I just had to include that last one, It is in the title)







That should give you a good example of some of the insults. I got most of them pretty quickly, that last one with the tip pun took the longest amount of time to get. Here is the complete list of insults and retorts:

Insult – This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
Retort – And I’ve got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?

 

Insult – Soon you’ll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!
Retort – First you’d better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.

 

Insult – My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
Retort – So you got that job as janitor, after all.

 

Insult – People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Retort – Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

 

Insult – I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.
Retort – He must have taught you everything you know.

 

Insult – You make me want to puke.
Retort – You make me think somebody already did.

 

Insult – Nobody’s ever drawn blood from me, and nobody ever will!
Retort – You run THAT fast?

 

Insult – You fight like a dairy farmer.
Retort – How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

 

Insult – I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
Retort – I hope now you’ve learned to stop picking your nose.

 

Insult – Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Retort – Why, did you want to borrow one?

 

Insult – I’ve heard you are a contemptible sneak.
Retort – Too bad no one’s ever heard of YOU at all.

 

Insult – You’re no match for my brains, you poor fool.
Retort – I’d be in real trouble if you ever used them.

 

Insult – You have the manners of a beggar.
Retort – I wanted to make sure you’d feel comfortable with me.

 

Insult – I’m not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Retort – Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

 

Insult – There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Retort – Yes there are. You just never learned them.

 

Insult – I’ve spoken with apes more polite than you.
Retort – I’m glad to hear you attended your family reunion.

With his witty repertoire complete and the ability to wave his sword around without cutting himself Guybrush is ready to face the Swordmaster. If only he could fine her… Remember the last time we wanted to find her?


Down the rabbit hole or down the Swordmaster’s path really…


Oh, Guybrush is going to be too busy to touch anything!

Yup, Guybrush is following the old to the Swordmaster, whereever that is!



The Storekeep pushes the little sign there and all of a sudden:


Who is the REAL Swordmaster?

The Storekeep led us right to the Swordmaster. Now let’s see if she’ll agree to see us:




That didn’t go over too well for him. I hope Guybrush does better!

Hrm, probably not the best idea to be rude to the Swordmaster… That could end poorly.



The tongue is mightier than the sword!

This fight is a little different than the other fights. Guybrush won’t do any insulting. The Swordmaster issues all the insults and Guybrush has to use the correct retort. BUT! Her insults are unique! Though they do use the retorts Guybrush has already learned. Let’s get through this then:




That, that is strangely anti-climactic…

“Yes? I think?”


“A t-shirt? yay?”

With t-shirt in hand Guybrush heads back to the SCUMM bar:



Threepwood is so close to being a pirate he can smell it! Or maybe that’s all the spilled grog? Just one more task to complete until he’s a real pirate!

TO DO

- Get a map
- Master Treasure Huntery
- Explore the town
- Avoid Le Chuck
- Become a Pirate
- Meet Stan
- Learn how to fight with sword
- get a ship
- get a crew (?)
- Kiss the Governor.
- learn all the insults
- defeat the Swordmaster

Summer Garden 2014 – The End

2014-08-21 07.18.07

Empty now

That’s it. We’re done. The garden was limping on as it was but this week the dogs decided to deliver the death blow. While playing in the backyard one of them ran through the netting, the other followed and decided the best place to assault each other was on top of my zucchini plant… That lasted for about 10 seconds, until about the time the two of the realized they were right next to a tomato plant. At that point the two of them began plucking cherry tomatoes right off the vine.  Continue reading