Let’s Play the Secret of Monkey Island, Part 12

A Crew Huh?

According to the Voodoo lady, and really when has voodoo EVER been wrong, said I need to find people to help me rescue Governor Marley. So, I guess Guybrush should get on that? beign an earnest kind of guy he askes the very first people he sees:

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Let’s Play the Secret of Monkey Island, Part 10

Authentic Island Experiences…

We last left our hero, Guybrush Threepwood, at the SCUMM Bar where he had just demonstrated his mastery of the Sword to the Head Pirates. With that out of the way only one thing stood in the way of him becoming a real pirate.
He had to find and unbury some treasure! Shouldn’t be difficult, right? Nothing else has so far! Guybrush heads into town:

“What’s this place? Looks spooky…”

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Let’s Play the Secret of Monkey Island, Part 9

Waving Swords around like Feather Dusters

Here are a random sampling of insults and retorts from the grinding I had to do to get all the insults/retorts, of which there are 16 by the way:

(I just had to include that last one, It is in the title)

That should give you a good example of some of the insults. I got most of them pretty quickly, that last one with the tip pun took the longest amount of time to get. Here is the complete list of insults and retorts:

Insult – This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
Retort – And I’ve got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?


Insult – Soon you’ll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!
Retort – First you’d better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.


Insult – My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
Retort – So you got that job as janitor, after all.


Insult – People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Retort – Even BEFORE they smell your breath?


Insult – I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.
Retort – He must have taught you everything you know.


Insult – You make me want to puke.
Retort – You make me think somebody already did.


Insult – Nobody’s ever drawn blood from me, and nobody ever will!
Retort – You run THAT fast?


Insult – You fight like a dairy farmer.
Retort – How appropriate. You fight like a cow.


Insult – I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
Retort – I hope now you’ve learned to stop picking your nose.


Insult – Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Retort – Why, did you want to borrow one?


Insult – I’ve heard you are a contemptible sneak.
Retort – Too bad no one’s ever heard of YOU at all.


Insult – You’re no match for my brains, you poor fool.
Retort – I’d be in real trouble if you ever used them.


Insult – You have the manners of a beggar.
Retort – I wanted to make sure you’d feel comfortable with me.


Insult – I’m not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Retort – Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?


Insult – There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Retort – Yes there are. You just never learned them.


Insult – I’ve spoken with apes more polite than you.
Retort – I’m glad to hear you attended your family reunion.

With his witty repertoire complete and the ability to wave his sword around without cutting himself Guybrush is ready to face the Swordmaster. If only he could fine her… Remember the last time we wanted to find her?

Down the rabbit hole or down the Swordmaster’s path really…

Oh, Guybrush is going to be too busy to touch anything!

Yup, Guybrush is following the old to the Swordmaster, whereever that is!

The Storekeep pushes the little sign there and all of a sudden:

Who is the REAL Swordmaster?

The Storekeep led us right to the Swordmaster. Now let’s see if she’ll agree to see us:

That didn’t go over too well for him. I hope Guybrush does better!

Hrm, probably not the best idea to be rude to the Swordmaster… That could end poorly.

The tongue is mightier than the sword!

This fight is a little different than the other fights. Guybrush won’t do any insulting. The Swordmaster issues all the insults and Guybrush has to use the correct retort. BUT! Her insults are unique! Though they do use the retorts Guybrush has already learned. Let’s get through this then:

That, that is strangely anti-climactic…

“Yes? I think?”

“A t-shirt? yay?”

With t-shirt in hand Guybrush heads back to the SCUMM bar:

Threepwood is so close to being a pirate he can smell it! Or maybe that’s all the spilled grog? Just one more task to complete until he’s a real pirate!


– Get a map
– Master Treasure Huntery
– Explore the town
– Avoid Le Chuck
– Become a Pirate
– Meet Stan
- Learn how to fight with sword
– get a ship
– get a crew (?)
– Kiss the Governor.
- learn all the insults
- defeat the Swordmaster