Postcards

Makes as much sense as this poem does!

Makes as much sense as this poem does!

I write postcard
and send them to
strangers.

I’d like to get a
postcard some day.
One with a picture
of a sky that
is too blue, and
everything is where
it’s supposed to
be.

I wouldn’t put it
up on the fridge,
I don’t have any
magnets… Maybe
in a book or
a cheap frame
hang it on the
wall.

Why?

To remind me
of, I don’t know,
the idea of somewhere
else, a not here,
a “nice” place
it doesn’t have
these four walls or
the empty grass
beyond them.

Really I think I
would frame it.
A simple one.
I wonder what
it would say?
The postcard.On the
back.

I always like
to write “wish
you were here.”
Or make up funny
stories about how
I tried to impress
the locals, but it
all fell apart and
everyone had a good
laugh and I made
a new friend,
or lover, who
showed me the “real”
thing.

But, sometimes I
tell them my name,
that I’m not happy
here. No one hears
me though and I
never learned how
to scream. That
the picture on the
front isn’t real
at all and that
if you were here
you would be
miserable.

The postcard is
a lie. It doesn’t
mention the weather
or the people or
the fact that
everywhere is the
same when you
can’t stand being
with yourself. That
here is a constant
reminder of all the
theres where you’re
not.

Why?

I want these strangers
who get my postcard
to cry, to feel
to be frustrated
and upset. To know
something. Something
they can’t change.
Only accept and
regret it. Until time
erases it from
them.

I don’t think
I’d frame it
a shadowbox would
be better. And
I’d put it in
the bathroom, so
guests would see
it but not be
able to to turn
it over. I know
they’d want to
the need, the urge
to turn it over, read
it. To know its
secrets.

I wonder if I’ve
ever met someone
who received one
of my cards… We’d never
know… But it’d be there
that secret  bond
a thin string
tying us, connecting us.
Unknown to even us.

I like to think if
they did know. They
would thank me, and
hug me, and cry with
me.

Contemplative Transciptions

Ma Yuan's Scholar by a Waterfall

Ma Yuan’s Scholar by a Waterfall

It jumps from thought
to no-thought like
riding over cobblestones.
Uncomfortable and enchanting
all at once.

Watching waves tumble over
each other in their race
for the shore, I
see men crawling
over their fallen dead
scrambling for sand

Now I see your face
or is it our face?
It is sad and unhappy. Tied
to old people, old ideas.
It can’t see it’s own
beauty for the wrinkles.

Is this poetry? Skimmed
off the top of my thoughts
and thrown away like
cream from milk?

Is this thought?
Mere images that
play on and on. An old
phonograph: scratchy and
tinny but irresistibly
charming?

Some say that’s what
love is like. Wonderful
in the most useless of ways.
I always thought love
was a silver bullet
to the head that
sadly doesn’t kill
you. Only leaves you
always mumbling about
your slippers

Or is that old age?
It’s hard to recall
They come and go, and
go and come. As waves,
as men, as music that flirts
about the ears…

mist rising from the water.

2012 Goals: How Did I Do?

Not as good as this guy…

Happy New Year to you all! This post is late but you know how it is with the Holidays. I kind of wish we could find a way to spread them out a little better. The gauntlet from Thanksgiving to New Year is killer for whatever normalcy you have in your life. No wonder I feel the need to make resolutions come January 1st. My life gets completely frazzled and torn out of shape by December 31.

Here’s my goal post from the beginning of last year.

Let’s see how I did!

1. Pay off credit card debt – This has been a millstone around my neck for too long. I want it gone by the end of the year.

Done!

2. Climb Half -dome – Now is the time to start planning this.

Nope!

3. Cut down on distractions – I spend too much time reading stuff. It’s all very interesting stuff but it doesn’t serve any higher purpose. It’s just another way to distract myself from my life.

I got distracted and failed to keep this goal. Though I do think I was better at being focused

4. Write a poem a week – 52 weeks, 52 poems

Um, kinda? I got through February, so eight poems and I did start the SSPP (Surreal Space Poetry Project)

5. Draw something once a week – 52 weeks, 52 doodles

Nope!

6. Continue meditation – Extend meditation time from ten minutes to twenty, add evening meditation.

Meditation came to an abrupt stop with the time change in 2012 and then the move…

7. Step away from the television and computer – I have a great dog, a beautiful wife, and wonderful friends. I should spend more time with them instead of tapping keys.

I did do this!

8. Fix my knee, start running, cycle more, swim more, do some free weights – I figure with all the free time I have why not make myself better with it?

Did it! Except until the move to San Diego but one of my goal’s for this month (Jan ’13) is to find a weight gym

9. Intentionally left blank

10. Intentionally left blank

Yeah, I don’t know what that was about!

Grade: Satisfactory. Room for improvement in areas.

I’ve done goals for the last two years (2011 and 2012) and I don’t think they’ve done much for me. Either I have anxiety over them and feel like I’m not accomplishing anything or it feels like I’m being coerced into doing something by past me, future me doesn’t like that. I might do goals/resolutions for 2013. But, before I do I need to think long and hard about them as well as how to make goals that I won’t forget about or just not do.