2012 Goals: How Did I Do?

Not as good as this guy…

Happy New Year to you all! This post is late but you know how it is with the Holidays. I kind of wish we could find a way to spread them out a little better. The gauntlet from Thanksgiving to New Year is killer for whatever normalcy you have in your life. No wonder I feel the need to make resolutions come January 1st. My life gets completely frazzled and torn out of shape by December 31.

Here’s my goal post from the beginning of last year.

Let’s see how I did!

1. Pay off credit card debt – This has been a millstone around my neck for too long. I want it gone by the end of the year.


2. Climb Half -dome – Now is the time to start planning this.


3. Cut down on distractions – I spend too much time reading stuff. It’s all very interesting stuff but it doesn’t serve any higher purpose. It’s just another way to distract myself from my life.

I got distracted and failed to keep this goal. Though I do think I was better at being focused

4. Write a poem a week – 52 weeks, 52 poems

Um, kinda? I got through February, so eight poems and I did start the SSPP (Surreal Space Poetry Project)

5. Draw something once a week – 52 weeks, 52 doodles


6. Continue meditation – Extend meditation time from ten minutes to twenty, add evening meditation.

Meditation came to an abrupt stop with the time change in 2012 and then the move…

7. Step away from the television and computer – I have a great dog, a beautiful wife, and wonderful friends. I should spend more time with them instead of tapping keys.

I did do this!

8. Fix my knee, start running, cycle more, swim more, do some free weights – I figure with all the free time I have why not make myself better with it?

Did it! Except until the move to San Diego but one of my goal’s for this month (Jan ’13) is to find a weight gym

9. Intentionally left blank

10. Intentionally left blank

Yeah, I don’t know what that was about!

Grade: Satisfactory. Room for improvement in areas.

I’ve done goals for the last two years (2011 and 2012) and I don’t think they’ve done much for me. Either I have anxiety over them and feel like I’m not accomplishing anything or it feels like I’m being coerced into doing something by past me, future me doesn’t like that. I might do goals/resolutions for 2013. But, before I do I need to think long and hard about them as well as how to make goals that I won’t forget about or just not do.



Breathe. Then Write

I suppose the idea is to get over the fear of writing. An empty screen is a terrifying thing to face. But, all you can do for it is to fill it up. Don’t have any ideas? Don’t think any of your story arcs or characters are worth committing to zeroes and ones? Too many donts can keep you from doing anything. Keep you from writing, keep you from going out of your house, keep you from ever getting out of bed. It’s okay, you do those things (I hope you do) and you can do this thing too.


Set aside the words in your head that are crushing you. Set aside the words in your head that keep harping that you don’t have anything worth saying. You have stories, you have tales, you have characters, you’re practically overflowing with them. What you don’t have is confidence. You won’t get it just sitting there.


The internet isn’t going to get your work done. I know it’s hard to believe after spending hours on it, how could nothing have been accomplished? You feel so tired, as if work has been done. And you have so much to show for it! Data, information, news, trivia,the fact that echidnas have a four-headed penis, the theory that this universe is just one of many trapped in an intricate ten dimensional multi-universe that all might be nothing more than a simulation on a computer somewhere (the computer may also be a simulation?!) What you don’t have is any writing. You haven’t worked.

So, write.

You just need to write. Slowly, ever so slowly the white on the screen diminishes. Words appear one after the other. After another. You’re going to need sentences to keep them all together. Write more. Soon the sentences piling on top of each other. Keep going. Then, there are paragraphs holding your sentences together. Don’t stop. You’ll soon find yourself needing pages to hold your paragraphs and chapters to hold your pages, a book for all your pages. And, you’re done. Like that. Until, you have to do it again.

Time later for making sense of what you wrote. Time later for editing. Time later for plot, protagonists, antagonists, meaning, moral, movement, conflict, pace, etc., etc…

It all starts with the same blank screen. And, the terror of filling it with something. Breathe. Breathe and write.



For more thoughts on writing:

The Fear of Writing or Holding onto Dreams


The Fear of Writing or Holding onto Dreams

I’m much more in love with the idea of being a writer than the work required to be one.

So here I am. I don’t have a job. I have very few prospects. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of even the appearance of failing. But. But. But, I’m not so scared of failure that I’m willing to try something I desperately want to try. I’m only scared right now of not being able of finding a job. I’m only worried of not being able to provide the kind of life for my wife that I know she deserves.

And I don’t think that’s enough.

It’s just not enough to get me to take the risk and sit down and write.

Why? I’ve been thinking about this for sometime now. I know I’m not the only one. Lots of people have been quite successful making a career out of thinking about our fears. And lots of people are trying to make a living off of it. I don’t know if I have an answer, yet, but I think I’m approaching one. It has to do with dreams.

Right now, while I’m excreting out the 10,000th cover letter or résumé I can tell myself it’s just a temporary gig, that there are other options available to me whenever I want to take them. I still have the dream of getting paid to be a writer. No one can take that away from me.

But myself.

All I’ve got to do is sit down and write. Poof, now it’s not a dream. Now it’s reality. Now I have to make good. What if I fail? When it turns out I can’t write what dream do I have to cling to then? For what purpose then will I be grinding through the minutiae and bullshit of daily life?

I don’t know. And, I don’t think I want to know. It’s a lot safer to sit here and not write.

So, I don’t…

My article on King’s Quest: Mask of Eternity from Gamespite 11 is Up


You can read it here. Then you should go here and buy a copy of the quarterly (it also comes in hard back and black and white.) This was my first contribution to Gamespite, I hope to do more with them in the future. Oh, and Mask of Eternity? Still awful.

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